Tuesday, November 13, 2007

On a Lighter Note: My Sad Dating History

Because I am in the midst of wrapping up some end-of-the-quarter projects in school right now (which means they are due today, of course), I decided to write on a much lighter topic.

On the way to work this morning, my girlfriend and I had an interesting conversation about actual pick-up lines/actions that people have used on me before in bars. And the assortment of just weird people in general that I have dated.

As a nurse, I realize it is common to attract weirdos and/or people with unstable personalities and/or mental disorders in real life. Or maybe it's because I'm pretty non-judgmental. Must be that nurturing quality.

As a result of this, I've decided to make a list of things people have said or done while simultaneously trying to hit on me:

1. Someone (a straight woman) once told me she has genital herpes about a week before she told me she has a major crush on me and fantasizes about doing sexual things to me.

2. Someone, in an attempt to bond with my experiences working on a psych unit, told me all about her trials and tribulations with bipolar disorder and lithium the first night we met.

3. Someone else has informed me of her borderline personality, and the fact that when her last girlfriend tried to break up with her, she tried to commit suicide by throwing herself out of a moving truck.

4. I've dated people who have attempted and/or threatened suicide upon me breaking up with them.

5. And I've been asked out on a date while crying, literally minutes after breaking up with a long-term girlfriend. Seriously. Because doesn't everyone want a new girlfriend who has a ton of emotional baggage?

6. A girl in a bar once followed me around all night, saying "you must think I'm crazy!" She was divorced, not sure if she was gay, and had a kid. All that is fine and dandy, but the fact that she had to continuously reassure me that she wasn't crazy actually had the counter-effect of making me think she really was crazy. Plus she was a cop. And, plus she tried to take my rings (from my best friend and from my grandmother) and hold them hostage until I called her. I grabbed my rings and got the hell out of Dodge.

Yes, I'm sure that makes you all think that I think I'm hot, or something.

Maybe I am. Maybe not.

But the reality is that I used to be a sucker who was more scared of hurting people's feelings than doing what makes me happy. And the above types of people totally take advantage of that when they see it.

Most of the above scenarios happened several years ago, by the way.

And before the bigotry brigades come and say this is all the more evidence that lesbianism is immoral/wrong/destructive, I also want to mention that I have also had some very good, meaningful relationships with normal women. And, most of the above people, I never ended up dating or having any sort of relationship with.

Anyone else have any fun stories?


John said...

No stories from me, goddamn it; I missed all that fun, having never really been on a date.

Once in a bar, a gay man bought me a beer, but that's it.

Jane Know said...

lucky you! Having to miss out on those "fun" experiences. ;-)

But, I don't want to sound condescending. Like the straight people who say "why do gays want to get married, anyway? do they really want to go through expensive divorces?"

Rachel M. said...

yeah. how about, "i'm not good at monogamy." as part of your opening conversation?

Grace said...

Sure! Here's one that you already know, but I think it's worth retelling:

I went out with a girl who was so smart, and super sexy, and super sophisticated, and REALLY liked the booze. More than you, me, and the rest of BGST put together.

She came back over to my place, and we were sort of lying on the floor talking, and she gave me "the look" and leaned in for "the kiss." I closed my eyes in preparation and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally I opened my eyes, only to realize she'd PASSED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF MAKING HER MOVE. There she was, puckered up and everything. Completely out cold.

So the next day, we moved in together.

just kiddin.

C. L. Hanson said...

Yeah, needing to reassure you a million times that she's not crazy is definitely a red flag...

Just to provide some balance (in case of that visit from the bigotry brigade claiming it's just gay people who are crazy) I'll add my two worst dating experiences:

One time I was on a date with a guy who thought it was funny to keep saying things like "You don't know whether I'm a psycho axe murder. Haha, I'm not. Or am I? Haha, just kidding! Or am I?" etc. Long after it was not funny and became way creepy -- and believe me, it was not funny at all, from the very beginning. Needless to say, I got out of there pronto and did not have any further contact with him of any kind.

Then the worst one, of course, was the stalker.

Jane Know said...

c.l.-Wow, I just sifted throught the entire stalker story.

That is crazy! Thank goodness you escaped from that person.

I can relate (a little bit), with the person who attempted suicide after I broke it off. It's amazing how you can still feel like you owe the person something, and how manipulative and controlling they can still be after the "break."

Rachel M. said...

this is all well and good, but has anyone figured out what's wrong with renee yet?

Anonymous said...

Aw, c'mon! Lesbians with bipolar and personality disorders? Can't happen!