The Red Herring of "Abandonment"

A common ploy of anti-marriage equality folks is to say something along the lines of "But same-sex parenting requires some sort of sperm or egg abandonment or relinquishment by a biological parent, thus the child suffers psychological harm at being abandoned by a biological parent."

And that is their basis for wanting to deny same-sex couples the right to get married and/or the right to have children.

Over at Opine Editorials, I have engaged in a dialogue on this very topic:.

I asked Renee the following questions:

"SO what do you suggest, Renee? What is YOUR solution to this problem of "abandonment?"

Do you propose that only married, heterosexual couples be allowed to have children?

And what should happen to them if they divorce post-procreation? Should they then be arrested? Should the children be taken away from them? Should they be forced to stay married?

Do you propose that gays and lesbians not be legally allowed to have children? How do you reconcile that with people's freedom to live their lives in ways that make them happy?

And how do you reconcile the fact that a child *may* feel a sense of abandonment because they came from a sperm donor, but may also at the same time live a completely happy fulfilled life with its two same-gender parents who raised him or her? There are worse ways to grow up than having two loving parents who happen to be of the same gender.

All of this is asked in all seriousness.

Because, like or not (and I know you don't) the world and its people will never obey your strict demands. Gays and lesbians will always exist, and they will keep having children. Heterosexual couples will still get divorced. And single mothers will still raise children by themselves.

Instead of complaining about all the problems gay people cause and how awful it is to be raised by a single or divorced mother, why don't you talk solutions, for once?"

Fitz, thus far, has been the only one to answer:

"Yes people are very selfish.

I think we can do alot[sic] to reduce divorce.

Single mothers usually dont get pregnant attentionally[sic].

But these selfish gay people who intentionally bring children into the world only to deny them their mother or father.

Well - No need to actively encourage & subsidize this selfish behavior.

I think we will start by defending marriages [sic] very definition."

Sweet Baby Jessica, I forgot about the "gay-people-as-selfish" argument.

Perhaps he hasn't ready the studies that the rest of the civilized and professional world has read (showing that gay parents cause no harm to children, and that children of gay parents do not suffer from any more harmful pyschological effects than children of straight parents). Or perhaps he has read them, and he is in blatant denial of them, because he is already too deep in his own bigotry to turn back now.

I'll end with this one quote, because I think a lot of the anti-SSM crowd by now is just stubbornly clinging to the supposed superiority of their own flawed moral system despite all evidence that they are wrong:

“Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others; And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others. When one sets his heart on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating, then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status.”--Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism.